


I Don't Wanna Say Goodbye To You

by PigSlay



Series: Nobody But Us [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 10:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PigSlay/pseuds/PigSlay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis can’t bring himself to say that word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Wanna Say Goodbye To You

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know One Direction. This is fiction. If it makes you angry that this is how I wrote it, then go write your own or something. Because I’m choosing to believe they ended on good terms. All annoying comments will be deleted. :)
> 
> And I know this may not be my best work because I'm writing it all at like 2 AM, but I just needed to write something for me to feel better. Also I may turn this into a series or something, about what happens after this. We'll see. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

“So… you heard?” Zayn asks. Really, it’s a foolish question to ask. Of course he’s heard. They can’t just not tell the rest of the group when one of their members is leaving. Still, he asks it anyway because a twisted part of him wants to be the one to tell Louis and give him hugs and kisses.

Louis is sitting by a table nearby, not looking at Zayn. “Yes, I heard…” Zayn tries to carefully start walking towards him, but Louis holds up a hand to stop him, slowly turning to face him. “Why are you doing this Zayn? I can’t… I can’t say that word to you…”

Zayn is confused for a moment, not sure what word he means, but he figures it out a second later. Goodbye. That’s the word he means. Zayn frowns because he doesn’t want to say goodbye either.

“We… we’ve said that word to each other many times though, Louis,” he tries.

“I know that,” Louis nearly yells. “Okay?” He stands up, anger swelling in his face. A moment later though, he’s sitting back down and sniffling. “I know that…” he says softly. “But those times I knew I’d see you again.”

Zayn chances another attempt at walking closer. This time Louis lets him, so he sits down next to him. “Hey, Louis. Look at me.” He uses his finger to gently turn Louis’ face to him. “You are going to see me again, okay? I promise. I could never leave you forever. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I can’t live without you.”

“Do you really mean that? Are you sure your little producer boy won’t get you so whipped you forget me?”

Zayn starts to get defensive, but stops himself. He knows Louis is just saying these things because he’s sad. “I’m sure. After all the times we’ve shared, good and bad, I don’t think I can. As long as you’re sure Liam or Niall or something won’t get you so whipped you forget me.”

“Never,” Louis shakes his head, smiling sadly.

Zayn smiles back at him. “Well, before I do my… uh… last show tonight, I want us to do one last thing.”

“Get the other boys and play one last group round of FIFA?” Louis offers.

Zayn thinks. “Okay, two things.” They both laugh. “But first I want to do the thing I’ll miss most of all: our cuddling sessions in the Mystery Machine.”

Louis perks up. “That sounds absolutely perfect.” The two boys smile at each other and go to the Mystery Machine.

They spend a few hours just lying there and cuddling. Zayn forgets all about playing FIFA with the other boys because right here, in this moment, all he needs is Louis’ arms around him in the car they bought together.

Finally, one of their body guards knocks on the door. “Boys, it’s time to get ready for the show tonight.”

 “Nooo,” Louis draws out. “Can’t we just stay here forever?”

Zayn giggles. “Now Louis, would you really be able to live with yourself if you were a no-show to the fans that were there to see you tonight?” He freezes, realizing the irony as soon as he says it.

“Zayn?” Louis asks, concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I… I…” he stutters. Suddenly the huge car they’re in feels too small and he’s afraid he’s going to collapse. So he does. In tears on Louis’ lap. “I don’t want them to hate me forever.”

“Zayn,” Louis hugs him. “They’re not going to hate you forever. You… you have to do what’s right for you. As long as you don’t turn into a total a***, they could never hate you. Alright?” Zayn looks up at him, still sniffling and wiping his tears. “You’re _not_ going to turn into a total a*** right?”

Zayn laughs slightly. “I’ll try not to.”

“Good,” Louis nods. “Now come on, we’ve gotta make sure your last show is the best one ever.”

Zayn cringes at ‘last show’ but gets up anyway. This is what he wants right? For this to be his last show as a member of One Direction. That’s what he wants.

So why does he feel so guilty that whole night? He remembers the phrase he heard once that says “what’s right isn’t always what’s easy.” He doesn’t want to say goodbye, especially to Louis, but he knows if he stays any longer he may hurt himself, or someone else (or four someone elses) and that’s not what he wants.

That night he goes into the Mystery Machine one final time, and sees that Louis is there as well. “Hey,” he says. “I thought you’d be in the hotel or something.”

“I thought you’d be on a plane or something,” Louis replies, biting his lip.

Zayn nods, going over to sit down next to Louis. “You remember how you said to me that you didn’t want to say that word?”

“Yes,” Louis responds distantly.

“Well, I don’t think I can say it either,” Zayn tells him, sniffling. “Not to you, not to the rest of the boys, not to our fans. I don’t want to have to do this. I don’t want… to say that word to you.”

Louis shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes. “Then let’s just not say it. Because we’re not, we’re not going to never see each other again. This isn’t the end.”

“This isn’t the end,” Zayn repeats, nodding.

There’s a moment of silence and then Louis speaks again. “I want… I want you to have the Mystery Machine.”

Zayn is shocked and isn’t sure he heard that right. “What? No, no Louis. I can’t do that. This… this is yours.”

“Correction,” Louis pushes. “This is ours. And only ours. You and me. And one day, I will see you again. One day we will see each other again and cuddle in this thing just like old times. Right?”

“R-right,” Zayn agrees. “Right.”

“Just promise me one thing,” he leans in. “Never let anybody else use it, especially not that producer boy. Alright?”

“Of course not,” Zayn shakes his head. “Nobody but us, remember?”

“Nobody but us,” Louis nods. He holds out his arm and points to his tattoo. “Bus 1 for life.”

Zayn puts his hand next to Louis’ arm. “For life.”

The two boys hug each other tight for what feels like an eternity, both trying really hard not to cry.

“Well,” Louis says, standing up and wiping his face. “I guess I… better go. I’ll uh… I’ll see you later.”

“Louis, wait,” Zayn stops him. “There’s one thing you’re forgetting.” He pulls him in and the two of them kiss hard and long. This moment is what Zayn will cherish forever: kissing Louis’ lips, knowing that one day they will see each other again. And things will be better. They will be, it’ll just take some time.

They just look at each other for a few more moments. Zayn takes a moment to memorize everything about Louis’ body: his eyes that the stars echo in, his hair that Zayn has messed with so many times, his lips that taste like Heaven, his arms that have held Zayn in cuddling and hugs many times, and all his various tattoos.

They’re interrupted by a knock on the door though. “What do you want?” Louis calls. “No one else is allowed in here.”

“I know.” It’s Liam’s voice. “I just… I… I want one last selfie with you guys, all three of us.”

Zayn and Louis open the door.

“You and your d*** selfies,” Louis teases, but walks outside anyway, Zayn close behind him.

The three boys force themselves to smile for the picture. It’s not one of their better selfies, technically speaking, because they look like they’re trying too hard not to cry. However, Zayn also thinks it’s their best selfie, because it’s so much more than a picture – it’s a memory, a day he’ll never forget, for better or for worse.

“Well,” Liam says once they’re done. “Goodb-”

“Don’t say it,” Zayn stops him. “Because this isn’t permanent.” He turns to Louis. “We’ll see each other again someday.”

The three of them have one final hug, and Zayn gets his stuff, then goes back to the Mystery Machine. It’s a long drive from here to Bradford but, at least for now, he can afford it.

He’ll miss his boys so much, especially Louis, but he knows he’ll see them again soon. He won’t forget, he won’t “become an a***” (at least he hopes not). He will always remember and appreciate everything he’s gone through with them, and everything that’s yet to come.


End file.
